


for the better

by wholesome_gay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Kiss, Getting Together, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), POV Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 16:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholesome_gay/pseuds/wholesome_gay
Summary: Remus doesn't expect his friends to always be there for him. Sirius wants him to know that he always will be.





	for the better

Sitting on the creaky bed in the Shack, Remus rotated his shoulders, feeling the pull of the moon that had yet to rise. It was going to be a long night. James was in detention and Peter was away visiting his mother, who was ill. Remus had told Sirius not to come. It would be his first full moon alone in over a year. It felt worse, somehow, than before his friends had started to join him - it felt as if they’d abandoned him, although of course this wasn’t true. In a month from now, they’d all be there again. Just not tonight.

Remus dug his fingernails into the palms of his hands and clenched his jaw.

* * *

Consciousness returned to Remus slowly, grudgingly. His body woke up first: the ache in his bones, the stiffness in his joints, the soreness of every muscle. There was a thin blanket over the lower half of his otherwise bare form and a warm weight pressed against his side. Padfoot. 

“What are you doing here?” Remus said, alarmed.

Padfoot transformed into Sirius. Sirius rubbed his eyes and yawned, not shifting away from Remus even a little. “Good morning to you, too.”

“You shouldn’t have come… it’s dangerous for you without the others.” Remus propped himself halfway up on his elbows and scanned Sirius for injuries. None were visible, but that didn’t mean that he hadn’t been hurt. Besides, it was hard to tell in the faint pre-dawn light.

Sirius scoffed. “It’s dangerous for you to be by yourself.”

“Well, it’s not as if I haven’t done it before.” Remus had dealt with this for almost as long as he could remember, and he survived all of those nights, although not unscathed. 

Sirius looked Remus in the eye. “I don’t want you to ever do this by yourself again.”

Remus looked away and chewed his lip. “I don’t think that’s up to you.”

Sirius made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat, as if Remus was the one who was being unreasonable. “Why not?”

For one, they wouldn’t always live in the same place. James and Peter and Sirius might travel to where Remus was for a while after Hogwarts, but eventually other things would get in the way, and he knew that. 

Instead of answering, Remus asked, “Was it a bad night?”

Sirius sat up, hovering over Remus. “No.”

“Did I hurt you?” Remus always dreaded that something would go wrong and one of his friends would have to pay for it.

“No.” Sirius leaned back against the headboard, eyes still on Remus. “No, it was… nice.”

“Nice?” Remus echoed, unable to imagine anything nice about any scenario with the wolf.

“We just ran, mostly.”

Remus closed his eyes and could only just remember the way the ground felt beneath his paws. 

“You still shouldn’t have come. You didn’t have to.”

Sirius crossed his arms. “I’m glad I did,” he said decidedly. “And I would do it again.”

Impossibly stubborn, as usual. Remus wanted to hate him for it, but he couldn’t muster up any anger. He tried to shove down the tenderness that was blooming in the pit of his stomach. He pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and exhaled slowly. The room wasn’t nearly as cold as it should have been. Sirius must have cast a warming charm.

“You should go. Madame Pomfrey will be here soon.” Remus turned away from Sirius, facing the wall. 

“I know.” Sirius didn’t move from his spot on the bed.

Remus felt fingers gently combing through his hair. _ Don’t do that _ , he wanted to say; _ you’ll give me the wrong idea. _But he didn’t tell Sirius to stop. He didn’t have as much self-restraint as his friends gave him credit for. Or teased him about.

Both of them were quiet for a while, until they heard footsteps from downstairs.

“Hide,” Remus urged. 

Sirius stood up quickly, James’ cloak in his hands. 

Remus faced the wall again and closed his eyes so that he could pretend to be asleep when Madame Pomfrey came up. Then he felt something soft and warm touch his temple briefly. He turned over, but Sirius had already disappeared. 

* * *

Remus, in a bed in the hospital wing, propped himself up on his elbows to take the potion Madame Pomfrey was handing to him. Even after years of taking it, he still had to convince himself it was worth the horrendous taste. He drank it as quickly as possible, trying his best not to gag. Madame Pomfrey gave him a glass of water to wash it down and a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

“Call if you need anything,” she said before returning to her office.

Almost immediately, the potion began to take effect. The all-over ache faded and a warm haziness set in. Unfortunately, the lack of pain left him without a distraction from thinking about Sirius. This had become a problem of late. It was particularly bad today because Remus thought that Sirius _ might _have kissed his forehead that morning, which simply didn’t make any sense. Sirius was the most affectionate of the Marauders, but this was a lot, even for him. 

Remus decided that he must have been dreaming. Or else just delirious. Mornings after transformations were foggy at best. He rolled over and noticed a Honeydukes caramel chocolate bar on the bedside table. Sirius must have dropped it off while he was asleep. He was the only one who knew that was Remus’s favorite.

* * *

Remus was bent over a book in his corner of the library, trying very hard to concentrate. He still hadn’t fully recovered from the full moon, and Arithmancy was one of his least favorite subjects, so it wasn’t going well. James and Sirius often teased him about his dedication to homework, but he didn’t have their inclination - or ability - to get away with doing as little as possible at the very last minute.

Remus heard footsteps behind him, and then a scroll of parchment was dropped onto his open book. He didn’t have to turn around to know it was Sirius.

“What’s this?” He unrolled the parchment. It contained a long list of dates in elegant handwriting. “Full moons?” he guessed.

“Correct. 10 points to Gryffindor.” Sirius sat upon the desk, legs swinging.

“Why? I’m not likely to forget,” Remus wondered.

“It’s not for _ you_. It’s for me.”

Sirius could occasionally be a bit cryptic.

Remus almost asked why, if that was the case, Sirius had presented it to him, but then he thought of a better question. “Is this about what happened with Snape? I told you, I’ve forgiven -”

“No, it’s not about that,” Sirius said firmly. His face was a bit flushed, probably with guilt.

“Look, Sirius, you don’t need to prove anything to me. I know-”

Sirius cut him off again. “Actually, it seems like I do, since you don’t think I’ll be with you during every full moon for the foreseeable future.”

Remus pretended to be reading the neglected book in front of him. Sirius was being a bit ridiculous if he really thought a list of dates would ensure that. It was a nice gesture, but not very convincing.

“How many moons are on here, anyway?” Remus asked, prodding the parchment with the feather end of his quill.

“One-hundred twenty.” Sirius nudged Remus’s leg with his foot.

“Ten years?” Remus surmised. “You really think we’ll still be friends in ten years?” He looked up just in time to see the raw, hurt look on Sirius’s face before Sirius turned away and snatched the list.

“Well, not with that attitude.” And with that, he slipped off the desk and walked away.

Remus had always known that however kind and loyal his friends were to him, they would one day leave. He figured that they must have known that, too. But recently, Sirius seemed to be clinging to the idea that nothing would really change after they finished their seventh year. Maybe it was too hard for him to think otherwise. Remus could understand that. He didn’t want anything to change, either.

He put his head in his hands and sighed.

* * *

James and Remus were on their beds in the dormitory. James was polishing his broom and Remus was reading _ A Separate Peace _. James had that frown on his face that meant he was thinking about something and was about to share what it was.

“What is going on with you and Padfoot?” he asked loudly.

Remus shrugged and tried to appear unperturbed. 

“Are you fighting about the Sniv- the Snape thing again?”

“No.” Once Remus made up his mind to forgive Sirius, he didn’t turn back on it. It had taken over a month to look at Sirius without thinking of The Incident. It would have taken longer, probably, if Sirius hadn’t been disowned. Remus couldn’t shut him out anymore after that. He didn’t want to.

“So then what is it?” James prompted.

“Nothing.”

James snorted. “It doesn’t _ look _like nothing. Even Lily noticed.”

“Well, that’s not surprising. She’s about ten times as observant as you.”

“Hey!” James said indignantly. Then he threw a pillow at Remus.

Remus threw the pillow back in James’ direction, but only halfheartedly.

“Fine. Don’t talk to me about it.” James returned his broomstick care kit to his trunk and closed it with a petulant thud. “But you know that we _ all _have to suffer through Sirius’s moping and you’re the only one who can fix it.” 

“Why are you assuming that this is _ my _fault?” Remus replied, shutting his book. 

“Because otherwise you’d tell me, and then we could commiserate over whatever stupid thing he’s done.” James flopped down on his bed.

“Really. You usually take his side.” Remus picked at a loose thread on his duvet.

“Before, yes. But I’ve grown, in case you haven’t noticed,” he said haughtily. This year, James was convinced that he’d matured significantly. This was mostly because Lily had been paying attention to him, and it wasn’t negative attention (most of the time).

“Sure,” Remus said without conviction. It was true that there was a bit of distance between James and Sirius that had never existed before. It might have been because of Lily. Remus wasn’t sure if Sirius was jealous or just disappointed. Or maybe just preoccupied with his own internal drama. He often seemed lost in thought, lately, and less willing to interact with anyone around him. Remus didn’t blame Sirius. The past year had been difficult for him.

Remus wished things could go back to how they were in fifth year, when his friends had finally managed to become Anamagi and no one was dating anyone and there was nothing amiss between them. Back then, war seemed like a distant possibility rather than a looming inevitability. 

* * *

Remus couldn’t sleep. He’d been tossing and turning for over an hour. He usually didn’t have this much trouble except during the nights preceding the full moon, but that was still weeks away. He sighed and sat up. James was snoring, and he assumed that the others were also blissfully unconscious. 

Remus parted the curtains around his bed and pulled on a jumper that lay on the floor. Sirius’s bed was empty. Ignoring the twinge in his gut, he made his way down the stairs and into the common room. Sure enough, Sirius was on one of the sofas, staring into the fire. No one else was around.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Sirius whipped his head around to look at Remus, a bit startled. “No.”

“Me either,” Remus said, although that much was obvious.

Sirius pulled in his legs to make room for Remus, wrapping his arms around his knees.

“So,” Remus started, sitting down, facing Sirius. He didn’t really want to have this conversation, but maybe it would be easier to just get it over with. “You’ve been avoiding me.” 

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “I think it’s the other way around.”

Remus was about to protest, but he wondered if Sirius was right. On second thought, it was sort of mutual. “Alright,” he admitted. 

Sirius’s eyes flicked back to the fire. “It’s me, isn’t it?” he said after a pause.

“What do you mean?” Remus asked, frowning. 

Sirius didn’t answer his question. It wasn’t like Sirius to be so quiet. Remus motioned to put his hand on Sirius’s knee, but stopped himself.

“Do you really think we won’t be friends in ten years?” Sirius asked, voice tight.

“I don’t know,” Remus said, rubbing his palm with his thumb. “It’s not that I don’t want to. But I think you’ll get tired of me, eventually.”

Sirius grimaced and stretched his legs out, one of them pressing against Remus’s leg. “I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. I’m not going to get _ tired _of you, Moony. You’re the last person I’d ever get tired of.”

Remus looked at Sirius and Sirius was staring back at him intently. Remus was suddenly struck by the awful, heavy truth: he was in love with his best friend. No matter how moody or impulsive he could be, no matter what he’d done last May, no matter that Remus was already abnormal enough or that it was impossible that Sirius could feel the same. He just was.

Remus swallowed, noticing the lump in his throat. He should have just stayed in bed. “Well, things change.” He hoped that Sirius didn’t hear how his voice cracked.

“Can’t things change for the better?” Sirius challenged. 

“Better how?” Remus asked. Sirius’s train of thought was difficult to follow. The intense emotion betrayed by his gray eyes made Remus afraid of the answer, but he’d already asked.

Again, Sirius didn’t say anything. He shifted closer to Remus with determination etched into his features and reached out a shaking hand that landed on Remus’s cheek. He wasn’t sure if Sirius’s fingers were cold or if his own face was just very warm. He was sure that his brain wasn’t functioning properly.

Sirius moved even closer and put his other hand on Remus’s arm, which tingled with goosebumps. He looked at Remus as though waiting for the answer to a question.

Whatever was happening, it couldn’t be a good idea. Remus knew he should run up the stairs, crawl into bed, yank the curtains shut, and not talk to Sirius again until he started acting more like himself. Until things made sense again. This didn’t make sense, and Remus didn’t trust things that he couldn’t understand.

Sirius tilted his head. He was close enough that Remus could smell toothpaste on his breath.

If Remus didn’t move away now, Sirius was going to do something. Something that he’d laugh about in the morning, or else regret and then stop speaking to Remus entirely, and Remus couldn’t handle either of those scenarios. But he didn’t move.

Sirius leaned in and pressed his lips to Remus’s neck, just beneath his jaw. 

Remus stopped breathing. Then he said “stop” and pushed Sirius away. Now he understood.

Sirius looked like a puppy that had been kicked. “Sorry. I’m sorry, Remus. I-”

“You don’t get to fuck around with me like this,” Remus spat, surprised by the anger bubbling up. 

“I’m not- Moony, I’m not-”

“You should know better,” Remus cut him off and stood up. He thought he’d never be more upset with Sirius than last May, but he was now. Selfish bastard. He seemed to think he could just have whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. 

Remus was already across the room when Sirius grabbed his wrist and said, “Remus, I am _ not _fucking around.”

Remus turned around to see if he could find Sirius’s motives written all over his face. But it wasn’t that simple. Sirius looked panicked.

“Well then what are you doing?” He meant it to come out sharp, but it was shaky instead. Sirius’s hand was still tight around his wrist. 

Sirius closed his eyes as if steeling himself. When he opened them, the panic had mostly been replaced by resolve.

“I want to be with you. And it’s fine if you don’t want that. I just couldn’t go around forever pretending not to. And I’m sorry. I’m a bloody idiot, and you- I’ll leave you alone.” He let go of Remus’s wrist and was walking toward the portrait hole before Remus could react. 

“Wait.”

Sirius didn’t wait. Remus’s body remembered how to move. Sirius was halfway through the door when Remus pulled him back in by his shirt. Sirius stumbled over Remus’s feet and they both fell down. 

Remus quickly pinned Sirius down, one hand on each of his arms. Ignoring the bewilderment on Sirius’s face, his stupid, beautiful face, Remus said, “I _ do _want that,” and kissed him. Sirius put his hand on the back of Remus’s neck and Remus felt teeth dig into his lower lip. He made a sound that would have been embarrassing if Sirius didn’t make a similar sound a few moments later. 

Remus ran his fingers through Sirius’s hair. How long had he wanted to do that? It didn’t matter, really. He was doing it now. Everything made sense, finally. 

Sirius slipped his tongue into Remus’s mouth. Maybe wanting was not always a bad thing.

A few more minutes passed, resulting in heavy breathing and flushed skin. Remus pulled back for a moment to catch his breath, one hand still tangled in dark hair. Sirius looked happier than Remus had seen him in ages. He was smiling like there was nowhere else in the world he’d rather be.

For the first time in his life, Remus allowed himself to imagine a future where maybe, just maybe, he wouldn’t be alone. After all, it turned out that things could change for the better.

**Author's Note:**

> My wife came up with the prompt for the first scene. And then I got a little carried away.
> 
> Follow me! moonynpadfootforever.tumblr.com


End file.
